Mission Impossible: Coffee Addicton
by Caramel Cheescake
Summary: Will's got a problem, and Halt has to deal with it before it's too late... Made in collaboration with Rowana Renee' and if you're wondering about the switch/rope thing, check out 'Guardian Ranger' by Rowana Renee'. My first crack-fic, hope you like it!


**A/N: This story was a collaboration between Rowana Renee' and me. She wrote the examples of people who heard Will screaming, all of Will's apologies, and the ending.**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice. Even so, Will is mine! Do you hear me rabid fangirls?!! MINE!! (please forgive the random psychotic outburst. It will not happen again)**

* * *

Halt sat on his porch with Gilan, facing one of the hardest and scariest decisions of his life.

He sighed heavily and looked at Gil. "One of us has to go in first."

Gil nodded seriously. "You're right Halt. I'll go in," He pauses.

_Maybe this won't be as hard as I thought._

"Last." Gil finished, grinning like a cat that just ate the canary.

_Of course he's going in after me. Why did I even _think _he'd go in first?_

Halt took another deep breath, stood up, opened his front door, and went inside. There, in a chair in front of the fireplace, sat Will.

He was holding a large mug of coffee in a slightly shaking hand and his left foot was tapping rapidly.  
He was also twitching every ten seconds.

"Will?" The apprentice ranger looked up. "We need to talk about your coffee intake."

"What about it?" **Twitch.**

"It's rather…excessive."

Will twitched mid-sip and choked slightly. "No it's not."

"How many mugs have you had today?"

Will thought. "Four…"

_Four. Okay, that's not so bad. Then again, we have pretty big mugs and Will's kinda small…_

"Different mugs. I filled them up three times each."

_Four times three equals…_

Halt's eyes widened in shock. "All in one sitting?!"

Will looked up, surprised that Halt was raising his voice in surprise and not anger. "No, I only had two mugs in one sitting."

_I'm surprised you're still sitting..._

"Will, that's still too much. How about you go without for a few days?"

Will looked dismayed. "NO!"

Halt raised an eyebrow. "Will, when was the last time you hadn't had any coffee?"

Will thought about it for a bit, then said, "When I was young and stupid." He started twitching twice every ten seconds.

_You're still young and stupid._ "Will, I'm pretty sure you're addicted."

**Twitch. Twitch.** "To what?"

_See, young and stupid_.

"Coffee."

"No I'm not," Will's eye started to twitch. "I just can't function without my morning coffee."

_Well, in case you haven't noticed, it's afternoon._ "That's addiction."

Will gritted his teeth. "I'm NOT addicted to coffee!" His teeth chattered whenever he twitched.

Halt sighed inwardly. "Let me put it this way. If you had to choose between coffee and Alyss, what would win?"

Will thought for about two seconds. "Coffee."

_Well, at least he had to think about it._ "You're addicted to coffee Will."

Will glared at Halt then took a shaky sip of coffee, which appeared to make his foot tap faster.

Halt took a wary step towards Will and said quietly, almost soothingly, "Give me the coffee Will."

Will bared his teeth and growled at Halt. "Rrrrrrrffff! GrrrrROWL!"

_Oh boy._ Halt stopped moving towards Will and he relaxed somewhat.

_Big mistake boy._ Halt suddenly jumped forward and grabbed Will, making him drop the cup of coffee. Needless to say, Will struggled to free himself, screaming for all he was worth.

Gilan chose that moment to walk in.

"Wow, Halt. What did you do to him?"

"Shut up Gil."

"Do you know how many people can probably hear him?"  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

An old lady dropped her watering can as a piercing scream reached her ears. "Oh my goodness, I wonder what poor creature is being tortured..."

* * *

Two guards nearly dropped their weapons. "What was _that_?"

* * *

Baron Arald's hands flew to his ears. "What in Araluen?"

* * *

King Duncan flinched and dropped his wine, which was the addiction Halt _should _have been worried about (A/N: I know, but I didn't want Will to have a premature heart attack). "Those guards need to stop being so cruel to prisoners..."

* * *

Erak paused his slaughter of another Jarl. "What is going on?"

* * *

A fangirl from Earth squealed with excitement. "Ooh, someone's hurting Willers!"

* * *

"Nobody can hear him." He lightly (for Halt) smacked Will on the back of the head. "Be _quiet_ boy."

Will immediately stopped screaming and started crying like a kid who got a switch for Christmas.

Gil raised an eyebrow.

"Before you say anything, once again, shut up and get me that rope." Halt nodded towards a spot on the wall.

Gil got the rope. "Why do you want it?"

"I'm going to hit him with it."

Will stopped audibly crying.

"Like how you were going to choke him with that switch?"

"Exactly. Now come help."

Gil grinned. "What, no 'please'?"

Halt glared at him and the grin dropped.

"Then again, I like living..."

While Gilan and Halt where in the process of tying Will up, he started rapidly apologizing for random things.

"I'm really really sorry for that time when I played with your longbow while you weren't in the cabin, and for frowning at you when you stopped looking after lecturing me for something, and for yelling at you in my head once, and for sticking out my tongue at you when I was three, and for asking you for a dog, and telling you to prove it when you said that you had the power to cancel Christmas, and for getting upset when you _did _prove it, and for being so horrible!!!!"

Halt shook his head. "No, you're not horrible. Stop crying now."

Will blinked at him. "I...I'm not?"

Halt smirked. "Of course not, only when you want to be."

Will grinned hugely. "So, if I'm not horrible you're not mad?"

"No, I'm not mad."

"So, can you..."

"Yes?"

"Let me have some more coffee?"

Halt said nothing.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

(One week later)

Will, completely cured of his addiction stood on his porch with Gilan, facing one of the hardest and scariest decisions of his life.

He sighed heavily and looked at Gil. "One of us has to go in first."

Gil nodded seriously. "You're right Will. I'll go in," He paused.

_Maybe this won't be as hard as I thought._

"Last." Gil finished, grinning like a cat that just ate the canary.

_Of course he's going in after me. Why did I even _think _he'd go in first?_

Will took another deep breath, stood up, opened his front door, and went inside. There, in a chair in front of the fireplace, sat Halt.

He was holding a large mug of coffee in both of his shaking hands and his feet were tapping rapidly.  
He was also twitching every ten seconds.

Will wouldn't have been so frightened, but Halt had learned from curing Will. He'd learned well. Which was why he was also holding a saxe knife.  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

**Don't you love how Will is still adorable when he's caffeine crazed?  
Next A/N: It took me a while to stop laughing after I read the parts Rowana Renee' added. Review if you want to, but do so constructively.**

**Rowana Renee' Yeah, if you flame, Evil Thing will get you and take you to Hallasholm, and you **_**won't **_**get to be Wills' crazy fangirl anymore *Psycotic laugh***


End file.
